Jacqueline Jourjy
So blogging has been put off this whole trip until now, 8 hours prior to our departure from India. I honestly do not know where to start as I reflect on this mission and will not even attempt to summarize everything. I apologize in advance for the choppiness of this blog. My thoughts are everywhere and the flow of words for expression is scarce. Having said that…
God has moved my heart in so many ways and I find it extremely difficult to express with words what my heart feels now. I am so thankful that He has given me this opportunity to come and truly be fed and served in contrast to the very little service I have provided to the people of this city. There has been much self realization encompassing this whole trip. It has been an amazing adventure with God, with my wonderful new friends that I have been blessed to serve with, and with myself. Every day I learn something new. Every day I have seen God in a new way. One of the things I have realized as I walk the streets day to day is that I will never know poverty. I will never know what it feels like to go without food, a clean bed, clothing, clean water, formal education. I will never know what it feels like to be unloved, uncared for, and totally neglected. I have never witnessed this before in the same capacity as I have these past 10 days in Kolkata. A very deep imprint has been made on my heart. I have seen poverty before in different countries but there is something overwhelmingly different about this experience.
Walking on the streets was its own experience. A typical road in the area we stayed in close to the Mother House can be described as follows: rows of sleeping, malnourished, lifeless bodies on both sides of the streets; dogs everywhere as if they own something; dirt, trash, odors everywhere; many forms of public transportation riding up and down the streets, honking, yelling; decreased ability to breath due to the extreme pollution. On any given day, we would utilize almost every type of public transport available: the metro, taxis, the bus, and auto rickshaw. We quickly learned how to get around and that in itself was its own adventure.
More important than any other lesson, I have witnessed that the greatest poverty is to live without love…
Soon after beginning service at Daya Dan, one of the homes of the Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa), I fell in love. I was totally captivated by a little girl named Anjeli, who is 7 years old but only looks 2-3 years old, suffering from cerebral palsy, possibly mental retardation, and GI issues. She could not speak, but her eyes revealed everything she was feeling. The only noises she ever made were those of pain. Every day I would spend much of my time with her, giving her simple caresses, kisses, and holding her hand. Sometimes I would sing to her, although God only knows that this may have increased her suffering (for those who know my singing voice is not at all lovely!) Today when I had to say goodbye to her, my heart was aching. Aching because I truly love her and did not want to leave, knowing I will probably never see her again. Aching because this child may not live very long, and whatever years God does grant her will probably be full of suffering and pain. Thanks to Anjeli and the other children at Daya Dan, I was able to so clearly see the face of God. There were very distinct moments when my heart was moved to the point of tears and awe because I could truly see Christ in these people I was trying to serve. I can never thank Him enough for these moments. Many times this clarity came after an inner struggle to overcome some part of my self, my ego, to truly give of myself entirely, without hesitation, inhibition, or barrier. There have been abundant opportunities for my love to be tested and purified. To leave here feeling one step closer to knowing the love of Christ and having a better understanding of it is enough for me. This is all I wanted, all I was seeking. I feel emptied of the things that once held me captive be it my ego or personal thoughts that were distracting…
True I came on this mission with an open heart to give, serve, and pour myself out, but … I was confident from the very beginning that God wanted to reveal Himself to me in this unique experience. This He has, and for this I give thanks and have so much joy.
Each person in this group has taught me something. We seem to truly complement each other. Our time spent together whether in prayer and Bible study or traveling the streets of Kolkata has been extremely edifying and fostering of love and unity. 10 new friends for life…
For all of you back home who were not here with us, but who are still partakers of this with us, I think the point to be emphasized is that our greatest ability to share the love of Christ is by imitating Him in His sacrificial love. He sacrificed Himself for us, so what is keeping us from sacrificing ourselves daily for each other? It is wonderful to serve in the ways of teaching and by using other gifts/talents from God, but to realize that we are called to the life of love, of seeking the heart of each person we encounter and pursuing a love relationship with them… this is it. Every action done with love whether it is cleaning floors or comforting the sick is an act done for the glory of God and one that will reflect His love to those who are receiving these acts. This point has been reinforced every day of this mission in extraordinary ways.
I pray that each of us on this mission will return home with a new heart full of love ready to be poured out for the sake of Christ and ready to be continuously challenged to overcome ourselves and realize that our love union with Christ is our only concern… every good thing will flow from there. All praise and glory be to our God who is amazing on infinite levels and who is so merciful in His work in us. I am just in awe
Filed under: India Mission 2006, Uncategorized
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